Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Slutty Mommy

Today was A's first swim class with mommy! Ever since she was 6 months old we have gone to swim classes with A; however, since I get to do so much with her all week, we booked them for Saturday so A could have some daddy time in the pool. She LOVES the water and always had so much fun in swim lessons...which is really her just singing songs, dunking, kicking, and splashing in a pool.

 This winter, we decided to put the lessons on hold since it was way too cold to get her out of the pool and changed, and not have a shivering child in the car. I swear, I tried...I even bought fleece lined jeans, but to no avail...we had to put them on hold. Like most things in our life, once it goes on hold it is forgotten about. So you can imagine my surprise when I got an email from the swim club about summer lessons. It was just the swift kick in the pants that I was looking for. They were offering a three week program, but the downside was it only ran during the week, so mommy would get to do swim lessons this term. Of course, the first thing I did was text my GF, Eli's mom, so we could sign the kids up together :)

After dinner last night, as my hubby and I were settling in to watch the Cauncks game, with a big brownie sundae in front of me, it dawned on me...I didn't have a swimsuit that was not a bikini.  My lack of swim suit options is not because I can rock a bikini that well, but at our country club pool the baby pool is only calf deep, so all the mom's just wear cover-ups over their suits; and at our beach in the summer everyone is chill enough that anyone under 60 wears a bikini, no matter how many kids you have had. But I could not wear a bikini to swim class! I called Nicole and she confirmed my worst fears...only the slutty mom's wear bikinis.  

As obscenities spilled from my mouth with a bite of brownie sundae (remember I had to be in a bathing suit in the morning...no more sundaes) I grabbed my purse and yelled to my husband as I sprinted out the door and straight for Target. Since it was 9:15pm I thought I would have some privacy as I perused the bathing suit section. Ha, fat chance...no pun intended here. Regardless, I needed a one-piece and the mass amounts of tiny teenagers with their pre-pubescent boyfriends in tow was not going to stop me! After about 6 laps and 20 minutes I had two options in my hand, and headed to the fitting room. Since I was too lazy to change from my morning workout clothes yet, I still had my sports bra on. Now, I am not a total germ-a-phoeb but I have no intention of letting my parts touch a bathing suit where someone else's parts were.

So after some serious time squinting in the mirror trying to picture them without the bright blue and black sports bra underneath, I came to the decision that I could not been seen in public in either suit...and I didn't even try on the bottoms. With slumped shoulders and a bruised ego for letting myself eat brownie sundaes while not being more prepared, I headed home empty handed.

Twenty minutes later I was pouting on the couch next to my husband, watching the Canucks get slaughtered, and chugging a huge glass of water, in the hopes that I might be able to flush out some extra pounds.  

So this morning, as I put on my bikini and saluted slutty mom in the mirror, I decided that I didn't care what the other mom's thought, A and I were going to swim class and we were going to have a blast!

Daily Mom


  1. I hope you teased your hair, wore Paris Hilton sunglasses, and rocked stilettos around the pool deck! I mean if you're gunna be a slut you may as well go all out! Maybe next lesson? (Check your email from more fun)

  2. Okay... Did not need to hear this...
    My daughter starts swim lessons on Friday and I have TRIED (oh, how I've tried) to find a one piece that fits correctly! How could a one piece ever fit more than one person correctly?! And IDK about a tankini... I still feel like my daughter could squirm and kick around enough that bottoms would come off. I am concerned that she will kick and pull on things and I will be naked in 5 seconds. This happened at the pool we had in the last home we lived in. Ugh!
    Thanks for sharing this... not!

    Cute blog! :)


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