Advent Countdown!

I had really high hopes of making an adorable Advent Countdown calendar for our house with little presents and activities on each day...but with everything being so crazy recently I haven't even started my project and it is already the 4th! But craft or no craft, A and I have still been doing one special thing together each day so far this December.

Here is what our Advent Countdown has been like...

December 1st: Make banana bread and muffins for the holiday season!

"Mom...really? More pictures?"

"Let me just try a little..."

Stir, stir, stir!

"Uh-oh!"

December 2nd: Head to the Library and find some books about Christmas!

December 3rd: Make frozen cookie dough balls for the neighbors for Christmas gifts!

This is my new favorite Christmas gift! You just make the cookie batter and freeze it, then pack it in mason jars with directions about baking. Who wouldn't rather have fresh baked cookies when they need them, over a plate of stale, old cookies!

December 4th: Cut down our Christmas tree!  

After a little drive, we arrive!

And start searching high and low for the perfect tree

Daddy and A with the tree farm on the hills behind them!

Then A found one that was just her size!

Before we spied our perfect tree...

"Ahhhhhh....."

So we cut it down and hauled it away! (and by we I mean the little boy helper at the farm...hehe)

A very happy mommy and a tired little girl!

Hopefully soon, I will decide on what our Advent Calendar should really look like and get crackin', but until then, stay tuned for our daily Countdown adventures!

xoxo

Daily Mom

The Truth

I am beyond touched at the comments on my blog and the personal emails that have poured in over the past two days, praising us on our outlook and strength. But I have a confession to make...I am not really this strong. Let me explain...

In late September I jumped out of my car and raced across a corn field parking lot to tell my best friend the good news...we just got a positive test; and less than a week later she returned the favor over a Starbucks run, decaf of course, letting me know they too were expecting! As we planned and plotted we realized the unthinkable, the babies would be due one day apart if they both decided to come on time.

But 11 days before we would receive our news, they too received a crushing blow and heard the dreaded words from the ultrasound technician, "I am so sorry; let me get your doctor."

As I literally lost my breath when I received the news, I vowed to be there for her no matter what. But instead, it  was she who held MY hand as I cried over the loss. It was she who reassured me that sometimes things don't work out as planned and everything is not always meant to be. It was she who taught me it is okay to be sad and talk about it, while it is still perfectly fine to smile and push it out of your mind when necessary, to get through a moment, or hour.

So as our bodies fought our minds over the past few weeks, screaming for one more chance, just one more day to make this work,  tears ran down our cheeks, silently letting our bodies know it was all over and to stop fighting.

So to you, my dear friend, thank you. Thank you for teaching me to be courageous in times of despair. To fight for what was important, and to let go when it was time. To have the strength to know everything happens for a reason, even if it doesn't always seem fair. And to count on friends, to be there, and love, and support you.

I could not have the positive outlook I have without you guiding me and holding my hand through all of this...and I know I am a terrible articulator in person, but you mean the world to me, and I love you!

xoxo

Daily Mom

Sad News

I have been looking forward to sharing some exciting news with you all soon, but unfortunately, yesterday at the doctor, we didn't get the words we were looking for. Instead, we heard that the baby that was growing in my tummy, was just not meant to be. So, as we spent some important time together as a family, enjoying and cherishing our beautiful, healthy, little girl, we began to heal.

Am I sad? Of course. Not as much at the loss of the baby, but more at the loss of what will not be. I am sad I will not get to meet this baby, A's sibling this June. I am sad we won't be adding another cousin to the mix here in Baltimore. I am sad we won't be heading out to Canada to surprise family and friends with news of a new baby this Christmas.  But more than I am sad, I am grateful. I am so grateful my body realized this baby was not meant to be and knew what to do. I am grateful I have a happy and healthy little girl, who is the light of my life. I am grateful to have such a strong and supportive husband, who has gone well above and beyond over the past 24 hours. And I am beyond grateful for the support my family and close friends have provided for us both.

I debated blogging about this, but then it dawned on me...this really is my therapy, and I need to write it all out. I avoided my computer as much as possible today, leaving emails unopened and my office light off. But after I went through everything else I do when I am deep in thought and stress, like cook, walk, and play with A,  I turned back here, to my computer. So with a lighter mind and a full kitchen, since I made banana bread and muffins, a large pot of chicken noodle soup, and turkey meatballs in crushed tomatoes (I told you, I cook when I need to release stress), I am now feeling much more settled about yesterday.

And while I am completely terrified for tomorrow, and the procedure that will close this chapter, I am excited for what the future will bring for our family. So please send happy thoughts our way this weekend as we heal and become a little bit stronger as a family.

xoxo

Daily Mom